She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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