Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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