He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
