dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
