she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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