Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
