Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
