I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
