My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
