We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
