I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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