I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
