I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
