yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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