Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
