Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
