I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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