She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
