my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
