You just made me feel so damn special
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
