Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
