Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
