I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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