**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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