Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
