if you like me you must not know who I am
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
