Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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