New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
