is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
