I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
