i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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