Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
