I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
