Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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