I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We left the knife in your bed.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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