Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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