Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
