We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
