I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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