that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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