I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
