I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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