so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
