Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
