I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
