You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
