Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
