when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
