Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
