i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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