I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
