its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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