we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
