A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
