Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
